I think I am morally bankrupt
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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