I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
