So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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