theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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