just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
