So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
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He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
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Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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