He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
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I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
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Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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