i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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