Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
