What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
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