i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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