Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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