That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
