I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Randomize
