hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
