Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
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We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
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Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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