Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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