I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
