My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
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