Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
