the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
