FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
