Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
