You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
meet me or not, i'm out of control
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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