Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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