Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
