she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
we're so committed to being not committed
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
