the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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