But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
