and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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