Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
