I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
