you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
