He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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