garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize