So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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