It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Randomize
