I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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