I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
