At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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