Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
