I am midnight drunk by noon
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Randomize
