If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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