I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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