I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize
