WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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