remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
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He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
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Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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