Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
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FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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