Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
even my farts smell like vagina
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Randomize
