If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
