It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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