dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Randomize
