My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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