he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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