birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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