He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
