toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
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We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
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On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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