i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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