i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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