I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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