so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
