the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
