Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize