The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
