Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
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I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
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I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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